Realization
by IvoryRhapsody
Summary: After a case hits hard for Nick, he's supposed to take some time off but refuses to. If he won't relax, the squad's going to make him relax. Amanda still finds her relationship with Nick on the rocks so what happens when he confronts her on a sunny day on the beach?


**This fic isn't meant to be serious. I suck but I try and I just wanted to write something to get rid of this freaking writer's block but maybe it will be idk what I'm doing! Please review. I want to give this couple some justice when it comes to stories but I'm not a very good writer so please excuse the mistakes. _**

* * *

The squad had just wrapped a high profiled case about five days ago and was in need of a break. They were able to find the attacker and his new home would be in Rikers for life. The details of the case were gruesome, disturbing, but it just fueled the detectives even more in finding the perpetrator and ensuring the damage he was causing would stop and that he would pay for it all.

Because the rapes were primarily with young girls around the age of 13, Nick was a bit shaken up. Everyone was but it hit Nick harder because he couldn't help but see his daughter in each of the victims. Innocent, young girls having their lives completely change, going from enjoying One Direction and pink dresses to being violated and traumatized. And as acting Commanding Officer, Olivia had retracted him from the case three days before they found the guy. He, of course, didn't cooperate and ended up contributing the most to the case. Even so, it took a toll on him. He did go to see his daughter in D.C. the day after the case closed and had come into work 3 days later, ignoring Benson's orders of taking at least five days off.

"Nick," Olivia said, catching him settling down at his desk when she walked out of her office to hand Fin some papers. "I told you to take a couple more days off." She placed the papers in Fin's hands before walking up to Nick and looking down at him at his desk, clearly not pleased.

He shook his head. "Yeah, I know Liv but I can't sit alone all day. It doesn't work for me," he replied, turning to look at her. "I need to be working."

"Nick, we all need breaks. I think you should give yourself a couple more days to clear your head," she said, obviously not backing down on her previous orders.

"What am I supposed to do? Watch more episodes of Days of Our Lives?" He said with a bit of annoyance.

"Anything but sitting here." She replied, giving him no room to argue.

Fin had been watching from his position behind his computer and threw in his two cents. "There's more to do than just watch Days of Our Lives, Nick. If you want, I can take you out tonight to a place a friend of mine told me about. You need to relax."

Nick looked at him. "A strip club?"

"Yeah."

"No." Nick said adamantly.

"Well then, Days of Our Lives it is," Fin joked, turning his attention to what he had been looking at before.

"Be careful. You can get invested into those shows more than you want," Amanda said, walking in with coffee. She took a sip before placing it on her desk carefully. She gave a brief look at Nick and he caught her eye. She turned away just as she looked at him. The tension between them wasn't as bad as before but it was still there, accompanied by awkwardness.

"Look guys, I don't need a break anymore. I've taken three days off already. I've seen Zara, spent the night with her and then spent time alone and cleared my head. I'm fine," Nick said, mostly directing his words to Olivia but not particularly looking in anyone's direction. He did give a quick glance to Amanda who tried her best to look anywhere but in his direction, he noticed.

"How about we all take a break? Just one day. Spend the whole day together, doing whatever we want?" Fin suggested. "We've all had it rough. I think some down time is needed and it's the only way to get Nick over there to take a bit more time off."

"Where?" Amanda asked.

"Well – "

"We're not going to a strip club," Olivia said, already knowing where Fin was going with his suggestion.

"Why is everyone against a strip club?"

"How about the amusement park?" Amanda asked, ignoring Fin's question. Everyone turned to look at her and she shrugged. "It's not a strip club."

"And we're not 13," Fin countered.

Amanda laughed at Fin's comment. "You don't have to be 13 to enjoy an amusement park."

"Hell yeah you do."

"How about the beach?" Olivia said. Everyone was surprised at her suggestion. It's not that they believed Olivia was all work and no play but they didn't think she would go along with that suggestion. Or go along with the plan in the first place.

"Believe it or not, I like breaks too and the beach sounds nice," she said, looking at all of them.

Everyone was silent for a couple of seconds before Nick spoke up. "I can deal with that," he said, leaning back in his chair, looking at Amanda again.

"It's settled then. We'll meet tomorrow at the beach at 12pm," Olivia said and then turned to Nick. "But you still can't stay here."

With that, she walked away, clearly showing that it wasn't up for any further discussion. Nick sighed and got up, taking his coat from his chair and holding it in his left arm.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," He said, walking toward the elevator doors.

"I'll walk you out," Amanda offered, getting up and quickening her pace to catch up to him, her boots clicking against the floor as she moved. When she caught up, he was in front of the elevator, waiting for it to make its way up.

Amanda gave a few quick glances at Nick who was preoccupied with his phone that had vibrated that same second. She tried to read his face as he read the text message. His eyes shifted to his left, where she was standing and he caught her staring. He looked back at his phone and tapped out a reply.

"Did I leave some shaving cream?" he asked her, pressing the on/off button on his iPhone before placing it back in his pocket.

"Huh?" She answered, being caught off guard.

"You're staring," he told her but he didn't look at her. He kept his eyes on the elevator doors.

"No. Just wondering if everything's ok," she gestured towards his pocket to let him know what she was talking about.

"Yeah, it is. Maria was asking me if I could take Zara next weekend," Nick said.

Amanda hummed, understanding and was happy the elevator's ding came right on time. She knew things were still shaky between them after his undercover stint and even though she apologized, she was sure he still was a bit upset about it.

"You coming in or?" Amanda looked up and saw Nick holding onto the elevator door to prevent it from shutting. She didn't realize she lost it for a second and gained her original composure before stepping inside the elevator. She cleared her throat and smiled at him, nervously pushing the button to take them to the first floor.

They were the only ones in there and she cursed herself because she realized this wasn't such a good idea. She hoped maybe they could talk, straighten things out, and make plans to rekindle their friendship or whatever they had before.

'_He's not that mad with me...'_

"Hey." Amanda looked up and realized there was nearly no space in between her and Nick. He had approached her and she didn't even realize it.

'_Get a grip, Amanda!'_

She refused to look up into those deep, brown, meticulous but knowing eyes. She swore he could see through anyone's demeanor with them. She didn't need him analyzing her.

"What?" She asked him. She wanted to put her hand in between them, push him away. She was starting to get uncomfortable with the proximity. She didn't think it was the proximity that scared her. It was just him and the effects he had on her.

"Are you ok? You keep spacing out..." She could hear the concern in his voice even when he tried to hide it. She smiled and looked up at him. She finally raised her hand and patted his chest, muttering a barely audible and quick "I'm fine," before moving away to the other side of the elevator as she heard the ding of the elevator.

Nick watched her for a few more seconds and then turned as the elevator doors began to slide open.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He got out and held the side of the elevator to prevent it from closing. He held onto her eyes but he wasn't displaying any emotions.

"Yeah. 12pm, sharp," she replied. He nodded and left while other people went in.

Amanda watched his back as he walked out the building before the elevator doors shut.

* * *

"I hate getting so much sun."

"Fin, stop complaining," Amanda said, setting up a comfortable spot for herself on the sandy beach. She laid out her folding chair and made sure her umbrella blocked enough sun to make it comfortable. It wasn't too hot. It was warm and the sun felt good on her skin but she wasn't looking for a tan.

"Olivia had to pick the beach," Fin continued on, setting up his place right near Amanda's.

"Because the strip club was better?"

"Come on, Amanda. I saw how you looked at those male dancers," Fin teased, poking her side. She jumped a little, laughing.

When she was done, she stepped out of her shorts and took off the lace beach top, revealing an emerald colored bikini that hugged her curves in all the right places. The bottom could come undone with just a pull of the strings and her triangle top perfectly held everything together.

"Damn girl," Fin said, whistling. "Rollins, you've been hiding all of that?"

"Oh hush up, Fin," she said, playfully hitting his arm, earning a chuckle from him.

"You guys beat us here, huh?"

Amanda and Fin turned to look at the three approaching figures. One was Olivia in a beautiful one piece bikini. It had slits on the side so some skin was shown and the cleavage area didn't reveal too much but it definitely complimented her curvaceous body. She had a sun hat on and sunglasses. Nick and Barba were behind her, both in beach shorts and a plain white shirt, holding bags that probably belonged to Olivia as well.

"Olivia, you look beautiful as always," Fin complimented her and she smiled, removing her sunglasses.

"I invited Barba. I know you guys don't mind," She said, smiling.

Amanda had never felt self-conscious before but she started to when she caught Nick staring at her. She felt the need to cover up but he turned his attention away from her and helped Liv set up her own relaxation spot before doing his. He didn't seem to be paying attention anymore, engaging in small talk with Liv and Barba.

Sooner than later, Barba was caught up in a conversation with Olivia and Fin had found his way to a beautiful woman who happened to recognize him. He was ended up staying with her and a few of her friends as they all laughed and shared tropical drinks.

Amanda cleared her throat and looked at Nick who had sunglasses on and was leaning back on his own folding chair. He had removed his shirt after assisting Olivia and she couldn't help but stare at his perfectly sculpted upper body. She noticed the scar he had received a year back from when Henry shot him. It was faded but she could see it.

"So it's not my face today?" Nick said, turning towards her a bit.

"Says the one staring at me. Those sunglasses may be dark but it's not fooling anyone," Amanda challenged. She took a guess. She had no idea whether or not Nick was really staring at her but he was earlier so she took her chances.

Nick sat up and removed his sunglasses. He swung his legs over and got up. He didn't address what she said so Amanda guessed she was right.

"Can we talk?" He asked her. "Alone."

"What about? I didn't know we had something to discuss," she said, laying back down on her chair. Her legs moved a little and she bit her lip, her nervousness starting to come back. She tried to play it off cool but she was sure he saw through it.

"Come on, Amanda. Please," he whispered so only she could hear.

"We're heading for the waters! What about you guys?" Olivia said, standing next to Barba.

"We'll catch up," Nick said, forcing a smile. Olivia noticed but she nodded and walked with Barba.

When they were out of earshot, Nick turned back to Amanda who stood up from her own chair. She didn't say anything, just looked at him. He looked back at her and his eyes sometimes traveled down to her lips. He turned and told her to follow him.

They walked to the more secluded part of the beach. There were more greens in the area, providing more shade and coverage. Nick sat on the sand and waited for Amanda to do the same.

They both stayed quiet. The sound of the water clashing against the rocks and the sound of the screeching seagulls filled the silence. Nick gave her a few glances before speaking up.

"I'm not angry at you, Amanda."

She didn't say anything. She just pushed her hair behind her ear when the wind caught it, trying to keep her attention on the ocean's waves.

"Can you please say something?" He said.

Amanda looked at him, trying to keep it cool and collected. "I'm not angry at you either so why are we having this conversation? What's done is done," she mumbled, looking back in the direction of the ocean. It was calming.

"I hurt you and I'm sorry - "

"You didn't hurt me," Amanda cut him off.

"Yes I did. I told you about Nate but instead of being there for you, I just let you go through it alone," he explained.

"I can take care of myself, thanks," Amanda said, getting ready to stand up but Nick held onto her arm. It gave her a burning sensation. Not in a bad way but his touch affected her more than she was comfortable with.

"Amanda, why don't you just talk about it? I can tell you're going through a lot right now."

"Nick, please don't play the sympathy card with me. I'm fine."

"So you're still attending your meetings?" He asked her, letting her go because she tried pulling her arm away from him and he didn't want to seem forceful but instead firm. He got up when she did and blocked her way so she couldn't walk.

"Yeah," she lied. She folded her arms across her chest and tried her best to look him straight in the eye so he couldn't tell she was lying but Nick was smarter than that.

"Amanda..."

"I said I am!"

"And I know you're not,"

"Remember what happened last time when you started getting curious about my life? I think you should drop this," she said and pushed pass him, trying to escape his gaze and his very presence. The whole time she stood there, she felt off. She wasn't a girl to reveal her problems or to go crying into someone's arms but a part of her wanted him to hold her so she could tell him everything. That was something she was afraid of. She knew not to expect much from men and she wasn't about to let another one into her life like this.

Before she could get too far, Nick caught up to her and spun her around. Before she could protest, he kissed her. It wasn't for long but it left Amanda's lips tingling and her wanting more. She almost leaned back into him but he instead placed his lips near her ear.

"I'll always be here for you," he whispered and then walked away before anyone could notice what just transpired.

And before Amanda could fully understand his words and actions.


End file.
